i.
i sometimes pick flowers for no reason.
i put daisies in the empty mailbox with the little red flag on my way home
and sometimes wonder if anybody picks flowers with my name in mind.

ii.
on tuesday afternoons, i count maybes;
maybe i could be proud of myself, maybe you could love me, maybe i'm going to be hurt again.
i blow sloppy soap bubbles and seal each one inside,
a tiny piece of my heart too afraid to call itself a wish.
wishes mean hope.

iii.
i don't have old tennis shoes
but if i did, i'd write all over them in thick black pen-
words like "calamity" and phrases like "salamander eyeshadow-"
just so i could get these endlessly floating fragments out of my head.

iv.
once in awhile, i force myself to decide whether or not i'm a mess.
usually i decide not,
just because it's easier.

v.
every day i chew the cap of my pen and think of what to write
but all that wants to come out is you and i'm out of coherent things to say
so i write emotional nonsense about dead birds and stars.
i'd like to write about myself but that might mean being honest;
night sky and rotting feathers, broken eggshells and blazing comets.

vi.
i like to watch the people inside these freeway-cars.
i feel unimportant next to these Places To Be and Sense Of Purpose,
rushed wireless conversations and spilled coffee,
crying children and second coat of pink lipstick.
there are worlds beyond mine-
the only evidence a littered cigarette stub two miles back on the road.

vii.
i hate windows.
i can almost reach out and touch the person i'm afraid to be;
the problem with windows is, i sometimes can't tell whether there's anything stopping me at all.

viii.
one day i might forgive her
but i'm secretly scared that i'm not strong enough to face the reason why.
green and blue nail polish, red and purple and clear shine,
i don't miss her voice but i miss being wanted.

ix.
sometimes i am more than uncertainties and questions-
not just in your smile or our laughter but in myself and my own quiet okay.
sometimes i understand and mostly i don't;
broken eggshells and blazing comets, night sky and rotting feathers.