literature

radio silence--

Deviation Actions

Published: Jul 7, 2011

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Literature Text

_{i.
you can fly me to the moon and back, if you'd like,
just to show me the view,
but it's really much too cliche
and i'd rather have milkshakes when the stars come out
in an old diner with pink plastic booths and a worn-out jukebox
and think about maybe going out to dance
in the middle of the deserted street
with you.
but i want the option of deciding not to move,
of deciding to curl into your shoulder,
the feeling of safe that lingers in your musky-soft scent
guiding me to sleep.
and options always change, but
you'll be right beside me,
smiling at my crazy impulsiveness in a way that says
you wouldn't want to be beside anyone else.

ii.
maybe you'd like me to sum myself up in a word:
amazed.
are you happy now?
i hope so;
you've just lifted me into the most beautiful hug
and spun me around until the world is nothing but a kaleidoscope-blur
and we're all we can see.

iii.
i have sun dried tomatoes and questions,
but the latter doesn't matter much;
it's quiet in the loudest way possible and this sun
makes me think of clotheslines drying red and white checkered aprons
in the golden summer heat.
i had a question,
i tell you, throwing a leaf of basil at your nose,
but i forgot what it was.
maybe it was about us.
you're thinking of caterpillars and sunscreen-
my cheeks are pink, you've pointed out-
and you answer, that's alright.
if it was important,
you'd already know.

iv.
i am getting good at counting in roman numerals,
i tell you proudly.
popcorn and pajama pants and animated movies
in the giant green armchair we share.
really?
you are distracted by the glare of the screen-
look! did you see? you didn't see? we have to rewind it, you'll love that part-
and i am distracted watching you
and feeling something that seems like
falling in love.
did you see that time? really? again?

v.
the potted-window plants can hear my thoughts
when even i can't;
they tell me so.
what it means when you want to share everything with him
and go everywhere with him
and experience all of life with him
is, you have fallen, hopelessly and completely.
but i'm too busy with my watering can
so i don't listen.

vi.
what does it matter, really, whether you love me or not?
don't i already know the answer?
maybe i'll tell you soon
because nobody knows me like you
and nobody knows you like me
and you can keep this secret from yourself
but i know better.

vii.
sitting beside you is being able to breathe without feeling self-conscious,
being able to laugh like nothing could ever go wrong again.
there are doubts,
there are worries,
there are moments when i question my heart,
but they pass
on lemon-scented breezes, blueberry hand soap.
the truth?
i love you more than anything,
and you love me tentatively and quietly,
and one day (maybe soon?) we're going to bloom.

viii.
so play back this radio silence,
all these words of mine that you dreamed up,
nothing as real as explanations or logic.
don't you know by now,
i speak in the static between the beats of your morning-sparrow's wings,
in the spark of the smallest golden firework on the fourth of july,
in the way i touch your shoulder so gently when i say goodbye
and hope that maybe you'll ask me to stay.
i am not gone but here,
i am not your constant but your question,
i am not your forever;
i am your today.
you want me to be your tomorrow,
so whatever you do
don't stop playing my radio silence on repeat
until you know every note by heart.}

_{"i hope you don't mind that i put down in words
how wonderful life is
when you're in the world"
your song--cameron mitchell version

ack, what is this train wreck? i'm both appalled and pleased; i don't know how to articulate this, which is the absolute worst kind of writer's block. oh well, i'll figure it out eventually. (:

a side note, this song is incredible. ♥ much love to you all, as always

full title: radio silence (lullaby feeling of you)}